The Myth of the BFF

This article is very interesting. Although it is about younger girls and friendship, I think it can be helpful for women too. Often we think that friendships are static, but in reality they are dynamic, ever changing.

The Myth of the BFF

Brittany Murphy: A Meditation on Women, Weight and Disability

I've been thinking about the death of Brittany Murphy. I am tired of the media's coverage of her death. Most of the 'news' outlets have been trying to make her death one of individual pathology, missing the issue of the pressure for women to adhere to "The Beauty Myth." Naomi Wolf wrote about "The Beauty Myth" saying that

“Most urgently, women's identity must be premised upon our "beauty" so that we will remain vulnerable to outside approval, carrying the vital sensitive organ of self-esteem exposed to the air.....No matter what a woman's appearance may be, it will be used to undermine what she is saying and taken to individualize - as her personal problem - observations she makes about the beauty myth in society.”

Brittany Murphy was a woman who was trying to fit into harmful standards of beauty. The drastic weightloss and plastic surgery were tell-tale signs of a woman who was trying to alter her body for cultural standards and career advancement. But the media says that she fell victim to inner demons, instead of calling out cultural standards that push women to believe that they are inadequate. Some people will say that this only happened because she was an actress; to that I say, look around. I read facebook status updates where women detail their disordered eating everyday. These updates include people not eating, missing meals, surviving on diet coke. Although we commonly think of the Anorexic body as one that is stick figure thin, we have to remember that there are women starving at every size. While there is no 'normal' when it comes to eating, I would like to see the US move to more realistic beauty ideals that allow women freedom from the tyranny of the size zero. Some women are dying to get to a size zero, while others are eating down the shame that they will never be a size zero.



Images: Clueless; Skinny Brittany Murphy

Although the anorexia angle is important to understanding Murphy's death, there is yet another, the disability angle. TMZ, released information gleaned from police documents. According to TMZ,

"A check of the nightstands revealed large amounts of prescription medication in the decedent's name. Also noted were numerous empty prescription medication bottles in the decedent's husband's name, the decedent's mother's name and unidentified third party names. According to the notes, the medications included Topamax (anti-seizure meds also to prevent migraines), Methylprednisolone (anti-inflammatory), Fluoxetine (depression med), Klonopin (anxiety med), Carbamazepine (treats Diabetic symptoms and is also a bipolar med), Ativan (anxiety med), Vicoprofen (pain reliever), Propranolol (hypertension, used to prevent heart attacks), Biaxin (antibiotic), Hydrocodone (pain med) and miscellaneous vitamins."

Brittany Murphy was a Type 1 diabetic, who had a heart murmur. And from the looks of the medication list, she was also suffering from anxiety and depression. Each of these conditions are commonly known to the general public, but if not taken seriously, each could lead to your demise. Each of these conditions is chronic; and any condition that is chronic is depressing. Type 1 diabetics have to administer themselves insulin every time they eat a meal. Their pancreases do not produce insulin which processes sugars needed for energy.

For many "normates" this is unfathomable because you are used to just putting things in your mouth without thinking. Type 1 diabetics have to think about the amount of carbohydrates in every food item because their bodies do not produce the insulin needed to process sugar, however they need carbohydrates to produce the energy that they need to live--ah, theres the rub. And any miscalculation of the amount of insulin needed to process the food or misinformation about the amount of carbs in the food eaten, can send their bodies into a tailspin. They have to constantly monitor their bloodsugar by poking their fingers and using a meter that tells them the exact level. Anything between 80-120 is normal, but if it is above that it is a high blood sugar, which means that they need to give themselves more insulin, if it is below that they need to eat more carbs. Any miscalculations could lead to spacey behavior, passing out, or coma. In a society where people are encouraged to throw food into their mouths without thinking, there are people for whom that behavior is never an option. So if you are a food 'normate' and throw food into your mouth, just remember that there are people that cannot.

Constantly measuring the level of your blood sugar, and watching what you eat, is more than a chronic condition in this society, it can be like a prison sentence because in this post-modern America manufacturers are constantly lying to the general public, being a successful Type 1 diabetic means being a junior chemist and a food detective. And then there is the pain of being a diabetic. Many diabetics suffer with chronic achey-ness, headaches, and restless leg syndrome (which is a real condition). The combination of these physical pains, the constant measuring of food and insulin, in a post-modern world that promotes reckless eating and locates disease as an individual problem rather than a community experience, can lead to depression. Some people will say that the insulin pump will solve this problem, but there have been numerous deaths associated with the pump, therefore it is not a viable option for all diabetics, furthermore it does not relieve the physical pain associated with diabetes.

There are rumors circulating that Murphy was using cocaine. I am not sure that they are true, but we must consider that people with Type 1 diabetes have moments where they are "out of it" and experience short-term memory loss because of their blood sugar levels. The rumors also suggest that Murphy was fired from an acting job because of erratic behavior. From what I have described you can see that her behavior could have been a result of her diabetes and the higher ups reactions might have been due to ignorance of her condition. They may have rushed to the conclusion that she was a drug addict because they did not understand Type 1 diabetes.

Moreover, because they have to be so controlling of what goes in their mouths they cannot engage in the reckless eating that seems to be Americans' number one daily thrill, so some of them turn to substances. The use of illegal substances may also be a way to alleviate some of the pain associated with the condition.

Finally, the pressures to appear thin, be an object of beauty, chronic illness, and depression came together in Brittany Murphy's life to leave her so physically weak that she suffered a full-heart attack. We, as a society, should be broken-hearted that the pressures on women's bodies can lead them to endanger their lives. Moreover, we should press society to accept and accommadate difference instead of asking those that are different to act as if they are 'normates.' Brittany Murphy's death is not the result of her struggle with inner demons, it is the result of her struggle with societal beauty standards, and societal ignorance about chronic illness.





Technorati Tags: celebrity, Brittany Murphy, anorexia, Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth, chronic illness, diabetes,

The Woods Saga and DV

The fallout over the SNL skit illustrates my problem with the coverage of the Tiger Woods drama. My problems are multiple, but the first is that people are making light of the situation when Tiger was allegedly sporting scratch marks on his face. Additionally, Tiger says that his wife was trying to save him, but two plus two makes four all day long. That woman (allegedly) scratched his face, and was chasing him out of the house with a golf club, which probably why he crashed his truck into a tree and fire hydrant at 2:30 in the morning. Despite his statement that she was trying to liberate him from the car, it seems as though the more plausible explanation, especially after the surfacing of multiple mistresses, is that she was angry with him over his infidelity.

My second problem with the story is Tiger's attempt to cover up the truth. I understand that he is embarrassed, but the truth will set you free. His evasion of the police by refusing to talk to them, just gives credence to the rumor that his wife scratched up his face. If the police saw this they would have to file a report, whether he pressed charges or not, because they have a duty to protect citizens from violence (not that they always do). Furthermore, Tiger's justification for not talking to police, angers me because he is authorizing domestic violence through the right to privacy. By that I mean, that his statement that he should be able to handle this as a private matter authorizes the ability of those in power to cover up unlawful and violent activity because of their status in society. Basically, he called on his celebrity and masculinity to enable privacy in a situation where people were harmed. See if the police let you, average joe citizen, tell them when they can or cannot do their job and you will probably wind up in handcuffs. This is ironic because women had to work very hard to get domestic violence to be seen as more than a private matter by getting law enforcement and law-makers to understand that violence within a marriage is violence against citizens. This took a lot of work because women/wives were seen as property of their husbands and as property law goes in this country, you can do whatever you want to your private property. In 1976, Nebraska made marital rape illegal which helped to change the discourse on women as property. Although women's groups had been working on the issue of domestic violence for many years before this change, it represents a major change in the law and public policy towards women. In 1977,

Washington State Supreme Court makes a landmark decision in State v. Wanrow declaring that a woman defendant's right to equal protection under the law in a murder trial was violated by instructions that require a woman's conduct be measured against that of a reasonable man finding himself in the same circumstances. The use of commensurate force and the perception of an imminent danger might be different for a woman, who is entitled to have the jury consider her actions in that light. Thus the reasonable woman standard. This is the beginning of the battered women's syndrome defense. (from http://www.mincava.umn.edu/documents/herstory/herstory.html)

The decision by the Washington State Supreme Court decision is important because it allows women to be judged by the reasonable standard of someone in their position, rather than being judged against the actions of men, who are privileged in US society. Furthermore, it introduces battered woman syndrome to the court to enable lawyers to argue that women sometimes go back to situations that are dangerous because they percieve that there is no other option. Tiger might just have battered person's syndrome.


The third problem I have with this situation is that the media and Tiger are making light of the violence that Elin dealt to Tiger. Just because she is a thin blond woman does not mean that what she did was right. Tiger could have died in that car crash. And if she did scratch his face, think about what might have happened if she was attacking him with a golf club.

Although I understand her rage at Tiger, scratching his face and chasing him with a golf club are unacceptable. With my last partner, I had moments where my partner purposely did things to keep me feeling jealous and insecure. I would get so mad I felt like I could have exploded. One time I did explode and I shoved her during an argument. But instead of making that a permenant mode of interaction, I talked it out with friends, my therapist, and family members. And eventually, I realized that this person could not meet my needs, so I ended it.

My wish is that Elin gets her self-esteem in order and decides what is best based on her self-worth, not Tiger's public image.